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Delayed orgasm

I am in my mid twenties. During intercourse it takes me an extremelly long time to have an orgasm. And when I do, it has to be a certain position. Is this some sort of reverse dysfunction?

We need to know if this also happens when you masturbate. And please let us know if it happens only with this partner, or others too if you have any. Do you ejaculate in sleep (get 'wet dreams')?

It’s common for a person to find certain positions, or acts least stimulating, some most stimulating and the others in-between. One has to try various foreplay techniques and coital positions to understand what are best for him/her.

It appears that you are receiving the right kind of sexual stimulation in a particular coital position leading to orgasm. Try to identify the nature of that stimulation - for example tightness, pressure or moderate rubbing sensations on a particular part of the penis etc... - so that you can attempt to obtain a similar stimulation in other positions too, with the help of your partner. It will be useful if you tell your partner what feels good, better and best for you. Demonstrate to her how you wish to be stimulated. Or, when you receive the ‘right’ stimulation, tell her then-and-there how good you feel. That way she will understand what type of stimulation you need and help you reach orgasm earlier.

When delayed orgasm occurs persistently despite the presence of adequate sexual desire, stimulation and excitement, it may necessitate consultation with a professional.

Please also read the answer below.

 
 

Deep pelvic pain in intercourse

I have been experiencing deep pelvic pain with intercourse. At times its very uncomfortable and I have a problem with enjoying sex with my husband and then theres times its ok. I have been experiencing this for about 6 months or so but seems to be getting worse. I also at times experience lower pelvic pain after I achieve my orgasm this just started about a few weeks ago. lately I have been getting real bad menstrual cramps that come and go for about a week now even though im not due for my period for another 3 days and cramping in both my sides could this be a serious problem with my female organs. I normally don't cramp until after my period starts could you help me out and tell me what this could be?

‘Endometriosis’ is a common cause of the symptoms you describe. This is not a life-threatening condition, but causes menstrual cramps starting a few days before the onset of period, lasting as long as the woman bleeds and extends probably to a day or so thereafter; Endometriosis is also accompanied by pain during and/or after intercourse. [In endometriosis, small pieces of menstrual tissue (the inner lining of uterus that is expelled with blood during menses) get inside the lower abdomen, attach themselves to ovaries, tubes and uterine surface and start undergoing every month the same changes that the uterine lining goes through in a menstrual cycle. In short, these pieces keep menstruating every month on the surface of the above organs. This condition is called endometriosis].

There are other reasons as well for deep-seated pain during intercourse - such as infection of pelvic organs (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, PID), cysts or solid masses on the ovaries, growths on the uterus called fibroids, chronic cervicitis, among other things.

All these conditions can be treated, though not always with drugs. A gynecological examination, a few lab tests, an ultrasound scan of pelvis and probably diagnostic laparoscopy may be necessary. Consult a gynecologist as soon as possibe.

Please note that these are only various possibilities. Though they are not life-threatening, every one of them can interfere with the child-bearing capacity of a woman. The earlier treated, the better.

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Curvature of the penis

I have curvature of the penis and want to know about it as well as treatment if any hopefully.

Please tell us your age, marital status, degree of curvature of the penis, point of curvature (middle of the shaft, tip), direction (downward? sideways ?), if there is pain on erection, if you feel any hard masses or plaques inside the penis, the degree of difficulty, if any, in intercourse.

Some amount of curvature, at the middle of the shaft of penis - usually to the left - is common; it occurs in almost 40-50% of men.

In some men the penis takes a slight angle upon erection. It points upward, downward, straight, or to left or right. All these are but normal variations in the erect penises and usually do not interfere with penetration and sexual performance.

Visit a nearby Sex Counselor or Urologist to get a physical examination and reassurance.

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'Tooo big for me!'

I was inquiring for some advice about a fear of mine. My boyfriend and I are talking about having sex and I am afraid that he is "too big" for me! I am a very tiny girl...4'10....and he isn't that tall but he has a rather large penis and I am sooo afraid it won't fit. I am really scared....is there any advice u can give me to ease this fear....or is it impossible for us to have sex? Thank you.

Penises very greatly is size in both erect and flaccid states, and are not related to a man’s body size or any other physical dimension. The same holds for vaginas too, which have variation in length and diameter in unexcited state. A woman with a small frame can have a large vagina and a woman of large body frame can very well have quite a small vagina.

However the female vagina has an amazing capability to expand to accommodate penis of any girth. Remember that it can accommodate the passage of a baby during childbirth, and even the biggest penis cannot be as big as the infant’s head.

Therefore you must wipe out the fear that your boy friend’s penis might tear you apart. All you should do is to try sex in a cool and relaxed atmosphere, take your own time to feel comfortable with each other, share your concerns with your boy friend, try penetration slowly and in stages after applying lubricating jelly to his penis and your vagina. See an earlier answer for more details on this aspect.

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Vitamin supplements delay the orgasm?

My partner has the ability to maintain a prolonged erection. He can keep going and going, but without achieving orgasm. One time he masturbated and reached it in front of me (after a very long time). He is on many vitamin supplements. Could this be a cause?

It is not a problem as long as you and your partner enjoy this prolonged intercourse. Often this causes pain, irritation, or boredom for one or both the partners (particularly the woman) and then it becomes a problem. The man gets little pleasure out of the seemingly endless thrusting, and the woman whose vagina dries up soon after her orgasm, starts experiencing pain with each thrust. She might even attempt to wriggle off her partner.

We call this difficulty in achieving orgasm in spite of adequate desire, stimulation and arousal as Delayed Orgasm, or Retarded Orgasm. This could occur in only certain circumstances - such as in sex with some partners but not others, during masturbation in front of the partner but not when alone. Alternatively, it may be occurring at all times. It may occur right from the time of his first conscious orgasm, or may start sometime after a period of normal orgasmic response. The causes of the problem also vary accordingly.

Delay in reaching orgasm could be due to use of certain drugs, such as those used in treatment of anxiety and depression, high blood pressure. Mineral supplements do not cause retarded ejacluation, but recreational drugs and alcohol do.

At the psychological level, the causes of (and factors contributing to) delayed orgasm include:

  • fear (of pregnancy, being detected, rejected or of committment)
  • any strong emotions that block the arousal needed to reach orgasm
  • performance anxiety and self-watching (called spectatoring)
  • strict religious proscriptions or opposing moral values
  • hostility towards oneself or one's partner or women in general
  • previous sexual traumas
  • hypervigilence (being in a state of constatnt alertness to the extent of being unable to enjoy one's own sexual responses)
  • relationship problems including inadequate sexual interplay between partners ...

to mention a few. On the physical side of the origin of this problem lie neurological conditions, diabetes, prostate problems, cancer, and surgeries which can affect the ejaculatory mechanism.

The purpose of this long list is to help you understand the multitude of underlying factors and to encourage you to seek professional help for the resolution of the problem.

Some persons with this problem can be helped by suggestions given in a previous reply.

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Penis dies down in the middle of intercourse

What does it mean if you and your mate is having sex and in the middle of sex his penis dies. Is it me or him and this has never happened to him before and then he automatically says it is you.

He states in his 23 years this has never happened and that it is me. I said how can that be, he says his penis know when there is something wrong with my vagina. I ask did my vagina smell , felt funny or what - he said no. I was like why u blaming me. Please give me an answer to our debate on who fault is it. desperate to find out

It is very common for erections to wax and wane several times during the entire sexual activity. Once in a while erection also wanes during the middle of intercourse - You should not give any importance to such occassional happenings. They could occur for simple reasons such as when he is suddenly turned off; lost track of his sensations, or his focus shifted to non-sexual aspects (something suddenly struck his mind just then); his is in refractory phase; or something inconvenient, distracting, painful or so had happened just then ... and so on.

Debating on who is at fault or blaming each other does not serve any useful purpose. They may actually become sources of strain in your (sexual) relations.

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Unremitting yeast infection

I have been to the OBGYN numerous times and I was diagnosed with a yeast infection. I took the one day pill to cure it but it didn't work. I then went back to the docter and she said if a months worth doesn't work, I want to switch your birth control pills. I was taking Alesse-28 for a year in a half and she gave me the one day pill (Diflucan) and I took that one day a week for a month. Well a month was up and it still wasn't gone.

I went to the health clinic because I ran out of birth control, and I told them my problem. They ended up switching me to ortho-tricyclen and I have been on that for almost 2 months. So far nothing has changed. The yeast isn't as heavy as it was before, but it is still there. Sometimes it is jelly-like and other times it is whitish liquid. I don't know what is wrong.

Should I go back to the doctor again, and see what they say. It is so frustrating because this has been like this for 4 months and it is uncomfortable. I would appreciate if you could give me some advice. Thanks

You will want to undergo a through gynecological examination again to determine the nature of the discharge, its source, other physical signs and symptoms accompanying it. Vaginal discharge other than the normal physiological discharge, is associated with a number of causes such as infection with yeasts (Candida), bacteria (Gardnerella), Protozoans (Trichomonas). Certain conditions like hormone changes during second half of the menstrual cycle, diabetes, use of antiboitics, birth control pills and pregnancy promote growth of yeasts in the vaginal region causing thick, white cheesy discharge, tending to form plaques which are lightly adherent to the vaginal wall, itching, redness; and minute cuts on the male partner's foreskin - to list a few symptoms. Severe anxiety is also known to cause the recurrence of symptoms in spite of treatment.

In the case of sexually active women, the recurrence of yeast infection comes from the untreated male partner. Concomitant treatment of the male partner and /or switching over to non-hormonal contraception may improve the situation.

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Ball like structure inside vagina

This is going to be hard to describe but Ill give it my best to make it as clear as I can.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I were just being playful and he said that when he went inside me with his couple of fingers he felt like a little ball (like the size of a bb) and he said it was like a little sharp on the end. He said not sharp like razor sharp but like there was a little extra skin. This is really hard to describe and he should actually be asking this because he knows more about what he felt than I do, but I did my best. Anyway, I just want to make sure that its not like cancer or anything or if it could have anything to do with the effect from my birth control pills. Please write back with any possible answer or help you may have. Thank you.

We speculate that what your boy friend had felt with his fingers inside your Vagina is the mouth of the womb (called cervix). (Look at the picture above). The cervix is felt deep inside the vagina as a knob like structure, and usually you do not feel much sensation there because of poor concentration of nerve endings in the cervix. It is uncommon for young women to have cancerous growths in the vagina.

I expect you are taking annual pelvic examinations and Pap tests regularly. They will help rule out any such growths, abnormalities or infections of the vulva.

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Cann't orgasm thro intercourse

I've have a sexual problem. My penis isn't that sensitive. When I masturbate everything seems to be normal. I can go anywhere from 2-5 mins. When I am given oral sex by a female it can go anywhere from 3- 15 mins, but when I have intercourse I can hardly get a sensation out of it. I have been with 10 partners and had sex about a total of 30 times and I haven't come once. I've gone for an hour and nothing. Most of the time the girl gets bored so I stop or I just get too tired to go any longer. What can I do to help this? It really has hurt my relationships with my girlfriends and has caused embarrasment to me and the girls I am with, 'cause they feel like it is them. I hope you have an answer or some good advice for me. Thanks for your time.

Please read the answer for an earlier question.

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Goes too soon and cann't get hard on again

When me and my wife make love, what causes me to go so soon?

why can't I get hard again to go again? What can I do?

Coming too soon is what is known as premature ejaculation or early orgasm. It is believed to be the most common sexual problem experienced by men. Since this condition commonly ruins the sexual pleasure for the couples, particularly in women, several methods to overcome it are developed. They vary from simple tricks (like diverting one’s own attention by counting numbers, thinking about the office, etc) to use of anesthetic creams and sprays to the glans of the penis, to more elaborate behavior techniques like the start-stop technique, the squeeze technique, and the basilar squeeze technique. We have developed a slightly different technique for ejaculatory control, which is described elsewhere. Some advocate the use of antidepressant drugs such as fluoxitine.

By and large, the behavior based techniques are long lasting, free of side effects and above all spare the man of having to supress, or divert mind from, his own sexual responses. You may wish to gain orgasmic control through the beaviour methods, described in detail by a number of authors like Masters & Johnson, Kaplan, Zilbergeld.

b) Once reached orgasm and/or ejaculation, a man takes some time ranging from several minutes, to hours, or days - before he can achieve erection and orgasm again. This gap between two orgasms is called refractory period which varies from person to person; and from time to time for the same person; Usually younger men have shorter refractory periods.

Let me give you an example. Sexual satisfaction is like a quenched thirst. Just as you do not feel like drinking water for sometime after your thirst is quenched, so also your body will not feel like having another orgasm for sometime after the previous orgasm. One should understand and accept this fact of the bodily function.

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The "Condom Barrier"

The first time she tried oral sex on me, I couldn’t even get an erection. As time when by, it got better. I was able to get an erection and keep it. Problem was, she couldn’t get me to cum. I usually finished the job by masturbating which seemed to bother her. Again as time when by, it got better. Eventually, I was able to get a full erection and now she can make me cum performing oral sex.

Next problem, we cannot have sex. We have tried it a few times with condoms. At first, I couldn’t keep the erection with the condom on. At first I thought it was the condom itself, since it was extremely uncomfortable and tight. So I bought the MAGNUM condom, which is a little more thicker, but still a little tight, but we tried sex again. Everytime I’m about to go inside her, I loose my erection, or it gets a little soft which prevents me from going inside her. This really makes me feel bad and it’s frustrating me.

What’s the problem? Am I too nervous? How can I improve that and relax? Would my girlfriend going on birth-control, help? Should I consult a docter about Viagra? Please help!

In your case a number of psychological barriers and possibly other factors such as circumstances and interaction with partner may be interfering with your erections during sex. Given some time you will probably be able to get over the problem yourself, just as you have done earlier., but it is equally likely you may be struck somewhere. It’s better to seek professional help. Please consult a sex therapist.

Yes, it may help if your girl friend switches over to pills. Also it helps to view putting on condom as a technique of foreplay. Many men enjoy if their partners put the condom on to their penises. Some women enjoy placing the condom on the tip of the penis with hands and then unrolling it along the shaft of penis with the mouth. Many men find this highly sensuous too. Some who have difficulty with erection have obtained strong erections this way. However this does more bad than good if you are not comfortable with the whole idea.

Of course Viagra helps, but we would like you to be helped by a sex therapist because it is necessary to identify and address the underlying causes of such problems, so that similar difficulties do not arise often in the future.

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